Chapter 8 Sick
Although not great with technology, Olivia’s demeanour is immediately one of no nonsense and complete professionalism when she begins to talk about my impending chemotherapy treatment. From the outset, it’s clear that bullshitting this woman would be a waste of everyone’s time so I’m upfront with her when she asks me if I’ve read the information on the Taxol and EC drugs.
“No actually, I never got round to it. I’ve been far too preoccupied with ordering wigs and picc line covers and trying to find the best products to draw my eyebrows on with when they fall out. There is so much information to take in at the moment, I’ve decided to not focus on the specific drugs and leave you to all that. Like you said, that’s your job and I’ve decided to trust your knowledge and experience. You tell me what drugs to take and when and I will promise to take the drugs and keep to all of my appointments.”
There is a momentary look of surprise on her face but even if she isn’t entirely happy with my lack of enthusiasm to learn about the drugs that I’d rather not be taking, there does seem to be a sense of her understanding my sentiment.
“Well you do really need to know what all the side effects are so that you can agree to them all when signing the consent form, not that everyone gets all of the side effects you understand but I do need you to know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I know it’s going to be rough, but the consequences of not going through chemo are much worse than the drugs can ever be surely. I’m happy to do this Olivia. I understand that it’s not going to be nice and that I will lose my hair but I want the treatment because I want to live until I’m 80 plus years old. I’m not having this kill me. I cannot leave my children without a mother.”
I feel a lump in my throat as I mention the girls so I stop myself from talking. It’s as if all of the women from the makeup course are sitting here with me and I seem to have subconsciously taken notes from them as my own manner has now become more upfront and to the point, regardless of how difficult the subject matter is. I now know how I want to deal with this. I don’t want to be bogged down with the details, I want the medical practitioners I have around me to deal with that. I can then concentrate on actually getting through the treatment without compromising everything else that I have going on in my life. Olivia is calm and accepts my mini rant as suitable confirmation that I wish to proceed.